Becoming the Sister I Prayed For

I am the only daughter and the oldest of 3 children on my mother’s side. Although I had many sisters on my father’s side, I spent the majority of my life longing for a big sister or a woman outside of my mother to confide in and receive guidance from. In the 8th grade, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, and it seemed from then on that I endured some of the hardest and most confusing years of my life. I was involved in dance consistently by high school, so I was around other young women my age, but the relationships often caused me more grief than joy (and honestly, looking back, I wasn’t so sure of how to be a friend at that age either). My mom just doesn’t understand, I would think, while going through friendship issues, boy problems, and even wrestling with my small but honest faith. Thankfully, the Lord sent women in my church, as well as through my church’s debutante, cotillion, and school’s Upward Bound programs, who would help me during the remainder of my high school journey. These women would inspire me to be a mentor in the future.

Fast forward to my sophomore year of college, I had found a solid group of friends, got rejected and eventually accepted into my future dance program, and had a transformative experience working as a summer camp counselor. I arrived back on campus with a sense of godly pride and focus that God had cultivated in me during the trials of my freshman year. Things took off from there, as I felt more aligned with my interests: Dance and Mentorship, while I started looking for opportunities to support other students on campus. My first mentorship opportunity was with an organization titled UNT BIGS, where I mentored two incoming freshmen students from my dance department. My second mentorship experience was with the Black Student Experience, where another facilitator and I mentored a group of 10 freshman students. While working with the Miss Phi Beta Sigma Pageant as a choreographer, I also had a chance to mentor a few of the young women and pray with them as they went through the pageant journey. I started a Big/Little program in my dance department, recognizing the need for connections between upper and lower classmen students. 

However, the mentor position that had the most effect on my life was my role as an ACCESS Peer Mentor. This involved me mentoring incoming freshmen scholarship and transfer students on campus. The best part about this job was that I had first applied during my junior year but had not been chosen. By the time I applied again, it felt as if God Himself was releasing this position after I had experienced more life on campus and more time with Him. During this year, I juggled meetings with my students, my senior dance project, working, and preparing for life post-graduate. It was rewarding to be a source of support to students coming onto the campus, and I ended up being able to minister to many of them and counsel them through loss, death, and purpose seeking. I graduated from college knowing that I had contributed both to my dance department and my university.

I spent the first few years of my post-graduate journey focusing on adjusting to the professional world. At this time of life, my relationship with the Lord had blossomed, and I knew that there was a greater purpose for me outside of dance in mentorship. I immediately began to do my research and got connected to my local Big Brother Big Sister organization. After attending a couple of mixers and speaking to both board members and long-term mentors, I understood that it would take greater wisdom and grace from the Lord to be a part of a youth’s life. The interview process took time, but afterwards, I was selected as a mentor and then paired in the Mentor 2.0 program. In this program, she and I would meet monthly, discussing personal and professional goals, eventually leading up to college preparation. It seemed that God orchestrated our pairing when we realized that we were both dancers and shared the same dance instructor. What a confirmation by the Lord! 

As our first meeting approached, many thoughts went through my head:

Lord, it seems like you opened this door for me to walk in through. Did I hear you right?

Lord, let me be a light to my mentee and a safe space for her to be herself.

Lord, what if our personalities don’t match? Will I be able to be of assistance to her?

Lord, am I too young to mentor a high school student? 

God allowed time to answer these questions for me. My first meeting with my mentee, Alyssa, went extremely well. She was a burst of freshman energy, eager to talk about her life and get to know me. We spent time eating, decorating Christmas cookies, and laughing. It was a great experience, and now, almost 4 years later, it’s one of my favorite memories. As my mentee is approaching graduation in May, I sit here reflecting on our time together. We have endured many things as a duo: communication issues, struggles with family, friendship issues, and future planning. It has been my greatest joy to pour into her and see her develop into a bright, young woman who has a relationship with Jesus, is working in her future career field, is a phenomenal student, and has been accepted into her dream university. 

Looking back at all my mentor positions in college, I feel as if God released a powerful example of how mentorship works and what it really is: discipleship. As I conversed with my students, I was essentially helping them to become acclimated to living life in a new realm as a college student. I was guiding them on how not to just survive but thrive on a college campus, staying disciplined and eventually returning the favor through helping someone who would one day be in their same shoes. It’s no different than discipling someone who has decided to become a part of the kingdom of God. 

'But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; who once were not a people but are now the people of God, who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy.' - I Peter 2:9-10

The scripture above highlights one important fact I remember now as I mentor/disciple others. The kingdom of God is holy and royal in contrast to the world we live in, which is becoming increasingly darker and wicked. There is a new way of living life once you come into the kingdom of God because of the difference in values. As you disciple someone, you are assisting them in this new way of living and doing as children of God through the teaching of the Word of God, empowered by the Holy Spirit. Of course, we are not completely responsible for their faith development, but we are responsible for our influence on those that God has placed in our lives. One plants the seed of faith, another waters, and we must know our role. 

'But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me. ' - I Corinthians 15:10

This scripture is one of my favorites because it reminds me that the only reason I have ever been of service to the Lord in life, dance, mentorship, and even in my family is because of the grace of God towards me. As God filled me with His love and His spirit, my life was changed, and in return, I poured into others.  When I think about my childhood, I don’t know if I ever imagined myself being of service in this way. My testimony is one riddled with themes of rejection, identity struggles, failure, and some triumph. For God to use me for many years in the realm of mentorship and now discipleship still baffles me. But I’m grateful, and I pray that the Lord will continue to mold me more into the woman He desires me to be, as well as provide better assistance to His kingdom in the realm of discipleship.